Inner deceivers
Your reality consists of thoughts and emotions bundled into experiences. If your main motivation for doing things is to avoid negative experiences you might be trapped in the obsessive prison of self, says Shade Zahrai. She identified 5 prison guards, inner deceivers, which keep you under lock:
Classic judge
shouts: This is your fault!
specialty: Criticizes and blames you for things outside of your control and makes you endlessly ruminate about it.
counter: Call out loud "I hear you but I won't listen!" Referring to yourself in the 3rd person allows to gain emotional distance from the deceiver and helps you think more rationally. Is it really your fault?
Victimizer
shouts: No way you can do this!
specialty: Wants to convince you the universe is rigged to conspire against you. Fills your mind with excuses. Steals will power.
counter: Redirect your attention to:
- this is what is happening to me right now
- this is where I want to be
- this is what I am going to do about it
...and go for it!
Misguided protector
shouts: Woah, slow down! Are you sure you can do this?!
specialty: Protects you from risk of failure, judgment or criticism by preventing you from taking action. Keeps you 'safe' but also stuck.
counter: Carefully considerate each 'protective' argument:
- how likely is it going to happen?
- what's the worst that could happen realistically?
...and take action accordingly. Don't aim for perfection. Be consistent. The process itself is the goal.
Ringmaster
shouts: If you don't do this you are a looser!
specialty: Makes you think your worth as a person is directly correlated to how productive you are. Forces you to fulfill goals without any sense of achievement. Keeps whispering you will never be good enough unless you do this one more thing.
counter: Always ask "Am I doing this out of fear of failure or rejection or do I really want to?".
Neglector
shouts: If you don't make them think highly of you you are a looser!
specialty: Makes you think your worth as a person is directly correlated to what others think of you. Makes you constantly seek validation by prioritizing the needs of others. Forces you to go beyond your capacity and drains you.
counter: Always ask "Am I doing this to get someone's approval or do I really want to?".